I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
