I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize