i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
