I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
