eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
