Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
