I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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