You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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