just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
