the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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