Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
