This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
