Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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