Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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