Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
