i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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