Where is the hickey?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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