we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
