Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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