i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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