Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
