Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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