she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize