You made me cry and you don't even care
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
