I'm going to jail i love you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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