I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
