I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
