I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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