chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
