Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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