you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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