also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
