Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
