I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
