Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize