Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
