I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
