I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
