Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize