2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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