I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're like the curious george of whores
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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