I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
