Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
