with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
