I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
