remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
