Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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