If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
