Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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