Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
