I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If that was your dad, he is hot
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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