Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
