There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your cock deserves a montage
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
