i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
