he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
