I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize