accomplished twins. life is a go
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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