Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
