I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
