$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
