I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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