I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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