"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
