the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
