so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize