Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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