Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just cropdusted the office
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize