he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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