i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
