a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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